Thursday, September 23, 2010

Valentina Sky

I want to start to blog to remember things. So I can go back and remember the feelings of life's biggest moments and to learn from them. I want to always be thankful for what God has given me and blessed me with. This week has been the most beautiful and the most terrifying week of my life. Saturday at 5:55pm our beautiful baby girl Valentina was born. She was born a month earlier due to pre-eclampsia. If you would have asked me what that was when I became pregnant I would have had no clue. I have learned a lot in the last 9 months. My normally low blood pressure became extremely high about 8 weeks ago. I was out shopping at UTC mall in La Jolla by myself when I started to feel strange. I was actually shopping for my dress for my baby shower that was going to be held in NY in mid August. I remember sitting down on a bench in Macy's dressing room and thinking WOW I am dizzy and boy have I gotten swollen....But this being my first pregnancy I thought it may be normal. I went to the food court and checked my pressure. Not knowing what my normal pregnancy pressure was (106/60) I wasn't sure what to think even though the machine said stage 2 hypertension. I sat for a while, ate a few mahi mahi fish tacos and checked it again. It was the same. I called my mom and asked her but she had nothing to go by since she didn't know what I normally was. I checked at a grocery store and a pharmacy on the way home and the pharmacist told me to call the hospital right away after I told her what it was. That was the beginning of many, many days and nights in labor and delivery including a 10 day admittance to antipartum.
Here I sit on September 23rd in the ICU. My baby girl is in the NICU and my husband is down there keeping her company. The induction was fairly long and when I went in on Friday night I had NO idea I would be going in to have a baby so we did not have anything with us. They started with the first process of the induction at 8pm and the second step at 5am and she was born at 5:55pm. I am not going to say it was a walk in the park but WOW was it worth it. I never felt so strong. My nurses and doctors were amazing and the experience was so different then I thought it would be. I spent 6 weeks on bedrest watching the baby story and Deliver Me and thought this is what it would be like. It was nothing like TV. My husband was so surprised that I didn't make noises and yell like they do on the show and to be honest with you, so was I! When they pulled her out and put her on me it was the most surreal moment of my life. I felt like I was in a dream. I am still trying to digest it and replay it in my mind. She was so tiny and precious. The most amazing moment was when they handed her to me and she looked into my eyes. I do not think that anything could have ever prepared me for that moment in time. She was mine and looking at me and then at Rob and back at me. She is so gentle and beautiful.
We anxiously waited in our postpartum room for them to wheel her in her little crib. Instead a doctor came in from neonatology. He told us that she was unable to regulate her body temp, her blood sugar was too low and she was not able to keep her food down. I was so sad to not be able to hold her and give her kisses but thankful that was all that was wrong and not anything more.
My blood pressure stayed very high in the hospital and I was shocked when they were going to allow me to go home (and keep me on my high dose of BP meds). On the way out of the hospital with our wagon full of flowers, balloons and teddybears I tried my hardest not to cry that we were not taking our sweetheart Valentina home with us. I was feeling very ill on the way home and couldn't wait till the morning to go back to see our girl.
We woke up early on Tuesday anxious to get the hospital. We took a lot of pictures of the baby and then I started feeling very weak and dizzy. I handed the baby to Rob and the NICU nurse saw that something was wrong. I could barely walk on the way up to postpartum to get my pressure checked. When they checked it (twice to be sure) they quickly found a doctor who told me to go to the ER right away. They wheeled me to the ER in a rush and everything happened so fast. The nurses there checked me in right away and it turned to utter chaos. My normally scary 160/110's just kept going up and up. I could not see the number's behind me on the screen but saw the looks on the nurses faces and listened to the panic as I heard them call my doctor's office. My husband was pacing back and forth with tears in his eyes telling me he loved me. As they started a second IV and told me nothing was working I felt more scared then ever. What did this mean? I was praying so hard and thinking about my family, my husband and my new baby girl. A doctor came in and said we need to get her to ICU right away. I remember him looking like a daytime soap opera doctor would and saying you are skyrocketing and we are trying everything. I remember my whole body shaking and my jaw clenching and muscle spasming. After that I was in and out. My pressure got to 210/140. The doctor was explaining to someone that I was going in eclampsia. I do not remember being taken to the ICU or when I got oxygen or even the mag sulfate. My blood pressure finally got so low and I then came even closer to meeting the Lord. I just cannot believe how fast it all happened. As I sit here I pray that they figure it out and that they can give me the right medicines to control this. I pray it goes away fast. I thank the Lord for protecting me and taking care of me. He is so good to me. I pray I can hold my precious baby girl in my arms soon and give her kisses. I thank Him for my husband who has held me hand and supported me every minute of everyday. I thank Him for a beautiful gentle baby girl. Valentina means strong and healthy and that is what she has been. We love her SO much. All of these moments show me how much I need God and how much He loves me!!
We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
Romans 5:3-4